Like you, I receive spam.
Back when I was a full-time editor, I received up to 100 a day on different email accounts. Most were sent to an account posted publicly on a company website.
(Spammers – go ahead and send more to the email address pictured that no longer exists.)
No, I never open them. That's what the preview pane is for. Sometimes however, a subject line intrigues me. Below are three that have me wondering…
Subject: “Your wife prefers your dog’s penis to yours”
What if I don’t have a dog?
Did the spammer confuse my neighbor’s dog for mine? I’m a big guy, and my neighbor’s Akita might be half my size.
Is my wife really getting it on with my neighbor’s dog?
And if so, how the hell did some spam assclown find out before me?
And then have the gall to tell me about it VIA EMAIL?
How many others has this asshat told?
Why am I the last to find out my wife is having relations with the neighbor’s dog?
Are there pictures on the internet or something?
Here’s another intriguing spam subject line…
Subject: “Do you know a whale’s dick weighs one ton?”
Now I do. And I’m certain to sleep better knowing that.
The real question yet to be answered is, “How much does Dick’s whale weigh?”
How about this subject line…
Subject: “Would you like to have a killer meat stick?”
That might get me in trouble, don’t you think?
I doubt the accompanying legal hassles would be worth it.
And if I buy this killer meat stick, how will I prevent it from indiscriminately killing random strangers?
When I’m asleep, will my killer meat stick go on rampages by itself, leaving a trail of carnage in its wake?
When and how does a killer meat stick like to attack its victims?
What's the best defense against a killer meat stick?
Glad I delete spam before falling for the temptation of purchasing a killer meat stick or seeing pics of my wife with that darn dog.